The Adventures of Malie Farlong
by quicksilveraza
Summary: Just an slightly weird/silly thing I thought of, and for some reason, thought it would be a good idea to write down. Hope you like it. If not, sorry about that... Reviews are always welcome.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own _anything,_ except for Malie.

"Um, Malie, what is that on your shoulder?" Shandra leaned forward, only to find a blob of white goo on Malie's shoulder. She burst out laughing, drawing attention to herself; naturally, everyone else wanted to know what was so funny.

"What is it?" Asked Malie, looking at her shoulder.

"Looks like birdie crap, milady," Bishop chimed in, unhelpfully. Malie seemed unfazed. She shrugged, unknowingly making it move farther down her back.

"Well, as Bevil always said, 'Some days you're the bird and some days you're the statue'." Shandra, looking confused, said, "You don't seem all that bothered by the fact that the bird poo is making it's way down your back."

Malie grinned.

"Mainly because I am appreciating the fact that cows don't fly." Everybody laughed at this, except for Casavir (who was thinking about Old Owl Well) and Sand, who got a handkerchief from his pocket and, frowning, began rubbing the bird's leavings off of the human's back.

"We are supposed to be gathering evidence, dear girl, not letting small animals do essentially the same thing that Torio has done already." Everybody went silent, continuing their journey to Ember.

They saw the well as they approached and Casavir started to walk slightly faster than normal, heading straight for the middle of the village.

Qara was looking slightly nervous. Sand noticed this and chalked it up to the fact that there must be a book nearby. He scanned the village, looking for said book. 'He found it, and walked over to pick it up. Malie followed him over to where he was now standing, not far from Qara, and asked,

"Is that evidence?"

"Yes, it seems that I have found the Quartermaster's log. Hmm, let's see…"

Qara stared in horror at the book, eyes wide. "Tha-That's a lot of letters…and words"

Sand tried to suppress a grin, failing miserably. "It's not as complicated as it seems," His face grew serious as he focused on the book once more, "In fact, over the past few weeks, it doesn't look like many shipments actually came into Ember."

"Not even from Luskan? That's odd," said Shandra.

"Okay, well, we've got evidence, and as long as Sand can prove something with this, I'm happy. Now, let's go see if we can find anything else," replied Malie, taking Shandra's wrist and dragging her over to the well, where Casavir was standing, looking at the water with a wistful expression on his face…

Minutes later, they were trying to haul a six foot tall man covered in plate-mail out of the well.


	2. Chapter 2

So, the next day, the group went on their way to Duskwood. Only this time, the group consisted of Khelgar, Neeshka, Sand and Shandra. This is because, after being in Ember for about five minutes, going down into the well and killing goblins, and coming out again in about ten minutes altogether, they made a short trip to the Sunken Flagon, Malie tapped on the door once, and suddenly Grobnar, Elanee and Neeshka wanted to join her on the trip to Duskwood. And of course, Sand was Malie's lawyer and Shandra was stuck with them, so they had to go too.

"…You know, in West Harbor, when I was a kid, they always called me Malie the Whalie…"

Sand pinched the bridge of his nose. "I do not _care_ about what they called you in West Harbor when you were a child, I simply need to know anything Torio could use against you." He said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, and besides, you don't even have gills, so I doubt that they could use that against you." Sand turned his glare on Neeshka, who was looking very self-satisfied at that moment.

"Whales do not _have_ gills, you stupid girl." Sand said, and now the grinding of his teeth was audible. "They breathe through blowholes on the tops of their heads."

"Yes, it is true that while whales do live underwater, just like fish, they do not breathe through gills."

Neeshka leaned over to whisper to Shandra and Khelgar. "Do elves _always_ have to repeat each other?"

"Elves? There's only one elf…" Shandra trailed off as she, and everyone else, turned to stare at Elanee, who appeared only seconds after they reached Duskwood Grove. There was a short silence that was quickly broken by Elanee, who shrugged, looking nonchalant, and said,

"Glitch."

Malie, still looking faintly confused despite Elanee's _marvelous_ explanation of her sudden arrival, asked,

"Glitch? Wasn't that only possible when we were going to Skymirror, when I decided to bring you along anyway, and then changed my mind at the last minute, when you got so mad you decided to openly stalk us all the way to Skymirror and back?"

Sand threw his hands up in exasperation. "That is absolutely the last straw. I am leaving! I am going back to the Flagon for a tankard of their strongest ale and maybe, just maybe, I will get so drunk that I will forget everything that happened today!"

And with that, the moon elf turned on his heel, started walking a couple of steps forward, and stopped, realizing he could simply cast a spell that would take him there. And with _that,_ he was gone after a flash of mustard yellow light.

Malie watched this with eyebrows raised, eyes wide, mouth forming a small 'o'. Then, she rolled her eyes and tried to blow a strand of dark yellowish hair off of her nose.

"Doesn't take much to set _him_ off, does it?" Neeshka, Shandra and Khelgar smirked and shook their heads as if that's exactly what they were thinking, while Elanee looked slightly alarmed.

"Does it not bother anyone else that he could have simply _teleported_ you all here, but he chose to make you walk?"

Malie, after a few more attempts at blowing her hair off her nose, eventually giving up, said,

"What bothers me is that there will be a Qara, a Sand, a Grobnar, a Bishop and a Casavir with a headache in the Sunken Flagon, all in the same room, and without anyone except for Duncan to stop them bickering."

"Nah, lass, I'm sure it'll all be okay. They might not get along very well most o' the time, but I'm sure it won't be a problem." Khelgar reassured her.

"Well, if you say so…"

**Meanwhile, at the Sunken Flagon… **

"Qara, you stupid, insolent girl. I'm certain you couldn't even spell the word 'cat'."

Qara's eyebrows drew together as she concentrated. "C…A…T. Cat. There, I _can _spell 'cat'."

The dark-haired elf grinned slyly. This was the best idea he had come up with ever since putting slow-drying glue on Malie's nose while she slept. "What about 'supercalifragilisticexpialidocious'?"

Qara looked momentarily worried, but quickly changed her expression to that of a mixture of relief and smugness… " 'Supercali- Supercalifarga-"…although she still had trouble pronouncing the word.

"Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious."

"Yeah, that. That's not even a word."

"Oh, but it is. It could very well be the Wendersnaven's mating song." Grobnar looked as if he was in deep thought for a few seconds, brows brought together into a frown. His eyebrows soon shot up, however, Grobnar making his _I-have-an-idea_ face. "In fact, perhaps the song is an ancient Wendersnaven healing tune, in which case, I could use it to help Casavir!"

**Two hours later…**

"_Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, I wonder how I often end up smelling quite atrocious, I don't quite know the meaning of that big word called 'Precocious'…"_

Casavir was staring, at the gnome, wide eyed, except for his right eye, which flinched from time to time. He was wishing with all his might that the gnome would stop, because he wouldn't, nay,couldn't, tell him to shut the hells up.

Grobnar kept on playing his lute, singing and dancing, always happy to help a friend, while Bishop was sitting in his usual corner with a smile on his face, crossing Grobnar's name off of his '_To Kill' list._


End file.
